Leap of Faith

I truly believe that adopting is a blind leap of faith. I felt like a lemur plunging over a cliff as we descended into Beijing. This wasn't something I could explain to my husband or my mom or my kids and it kept me up at night. Other adoptive parents got it though. I was so blessed to have that support system, if even just online. I understand that you never know what you are getting, in the same manner that we don't know what we will be getting when we give birth. Whether the orphanages are understaffed, uncaring, willing to do anything to have their children go to forever homes... we each go into adoption with blind faith. We have to. Scarlett came home with several more things than what was on her file. Noticeable things. But we deal with them. We have to. Am I thankful that she didn't have anything worse? I thank God everyday. What would I have done if she had RAD? Or an undisclosed heart condition? I don't know. I was so stressed out with what I knew, I can't imagine coming home with something that I was completely and absolutely unprepared for. When we give birth, we have the child in a hospital and if something is wrong, we have doctors and nurses there to help us. We have services to help us and lead us down the right path. With adoption, it's what we make of it. It's the parents researching, the parents finding the doctors and facilities that will help our adopted children. It's terrifying. It's time consuming. And we aren't getting a baby, a newborn who poops, eats and sleeps. We end up with a child who already has a personality, maybe a temper, doesn't speak the language, isn't happy to be here because they are grieving for their home. Holy crap!

And still we criticize and make comments and cast stones at those who have disrupted. I've done it myself.

Until you realize that it isn't always simple. Until you bring home your child and play the "what if" game. Until it happens to someone close to you.

And then you get it. And then you know.

And then you obsess over the next adoption. What if that person is me? What then?