I have this sweet, beautiful, funny, happy child that poops in her pants when she gets mad at me. It isn't an "all the time" thing because normally she is happy and upbeat. We are talking 6 or 7 times total. But we are also talking tonight and last night consecutively. It seems to be when she gets mad because something doesn't go her way (like Mommy and Daddy go out on a date or Mommy goes somewhere for the second time after having been gone for several hours earlier in the day) she poops. It's disgusting. And she'll sit in it until I get home, not saying a word about it or someone notices and does something about it.
I'm at a loss.
She is completely potty trained during the day. She always poops in the potty, without prodding. She is excited to tell me she pooped or peed in the potty. This is cause for much dancing and singing in our house.
After reading the Connected Child I try really hard to downplay it when she does it. I just clean her up and life goes on. But to be honest, it really makes me annoyed! And there are times when I just have to remove myself from the situation because I am so annoyed. I get those feelings of utter frustration after she does it. And then I feel horribly guilty because I feel that way. And then I get annoyed all over again because she did it. And so the cycle goes.
Somebody please someone tell me I'm not alone in this and it gets better. We are attaching really well otherwise. I've heard the extreme stories and this isn't one of those cases. She is with me 24/7, except when I have an appt and then she goes to Grandma's house with Maeve, which she loves because she is always able to convince Grandpa she needs ice cream. Who wouldn't love that?
The only thing I can think of right now that would be setting her off is that Shaw just started school and so we have had to do the "Meet the teacher" night and "Visit the school" (which was without her) and then he is gone during the day now and she adores him and loves to play with him. The other biggie is that I home school Maeve during the day and Scarlett ends up in the playroom watching 2 episodes of Sesame Street because I am trying to establish a schedule with Maeve and Scarlett is a HUGE distraction when trying to do that. This makes her less than pleased with me but I simply can't have her in the same room while I am working with Maeve.
The only thing I can think of right now that would be setting her off is that Shaw just started school and so we have had to do the "Meet the teacher" night and "Visit the school" (which was without her) and then he is gone during the day now and she adores him and loves to play with him. The other biggie is that I home school Maeve during the day and Scarlett ends up in the playroom watching 2 episodes of Sesame Street because I am trying to establish a schedule with Maeve and Scarlett is a HUGE distraction when trying to do that. This makes her less than pleased with me but I simply can't have her in the same room while I am working with Maeve.
So I can see where she feels unwanted for that time period, but I give her so much attention and love the rest of the day and evening. Plus it's Elmo. And she loves Elmo!
Anyone have experience with this?
My Madeline did this too, but not really when she was mad, any time she needed to poop AFTER she had been perfectly potty trained for about 3 months. We were dealing with some behavioral issues at the time as well and went to talk with an adoption therapist (M would go into rages). She felt that the potty issue was a way to control her situation. She had us just act like it was no big deal and clean her up but tell her the big girls poo in the potty and you will too as you get bigger. She also had us redo some of the attachment games (we adopted M at 9 months) and feeding her again making sure she maintained eye contact, I made it a game. It took some time but she totally started going in the potty in about 4-6 months. Sorry I don't remember exactly but I think I blocked it out:) I was soooo frustrated and it was not until I spoke with the therapist that she helped me to see through Madelines eyes and I felt so compassionate and sad for her. This all started after both her brother and sister were married within a few weeks of each other and moved and then her other sister went to college a few months later, big changes for a little peanut!
ReplyDeleteLiving it now and you are NOT alone! It is so hard to stay *happy* and *pleasant* when they are going through the rough stuff. It feels so unnatural. I have to work really HARD at it. You are a good momma - they've had hard times in their little lives with lots of loss. I imagine change scares them more than most and they act...react the only ways they know how. <>
ReplyDelete...and those arrows had HUGS inside them...
ReplyDeleteHey Kenlyn - we didn't have this experience with our three adopted - but with one of our bio's! give up the guilt - it's something that will end up fixing itslef in time as long as you keep the bonding going! Dogs (btw) do this all the time...it's kinda like revenge for a percieved 'slight'. It will stop in time.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime - I think you are spot on - clean it up and ignore it. And there's nothing wrong with "disconnecting" yourself if you need to - maybe even pretend you aren't doing it while you make the cleanup or something - play a little mind game with yourself. I think the "connected child" approach pretty solid!
As they get older and develop more 'intellect' the behavior will stop - unlike the aforementioned dog - that never get's any smarter! ;)
hugs - hang tough - aus and co.
Ok we had the same thing here and we are almost on 2 years home! I would get really upset because we would go a month two months even 6 months and then she would do it again! Normally at a party were we are giving other people attention. She would also do this with food-wouldn't eat or take two hours to eat her food! Went to the Dr and of course he said its a control issue! She can't control nothing but what goes in and what goes out-so I got over it and so did she! We have not had any issues since June so I am hoping we are done but we have not passed the 6 month mark so I am holding my breath in! She is eating alot better even having seconds-wooohooo and I am giving her choices on other things that really dont matter so she feels she can make choices! But she does feel the need to have alot of attention or she does things that should would not normally do! I think the big thing is "DON"T MAke a big deal out of the bad things" which is hard! I know your pain!
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