Orphan Sunday

The subject of Orphan Sunday has led me on such a different path this year. As I rocked my daughter, Scarlett, to sleep tonight and stared into that perfect little face, I thought about how much I loved her and how I could have so easily missed out on being her mother. How easily we could have missed the signs that we were meant to adopt, how easy it would have been to take the "easy" way out and continue to live in oblivion. Oblivious to the fact that there are 164 million orphans in this world, obvious to the fact that a little girl woke up every morning and went to bed every night without the kisses and hugs from a mother. A child who had no one to rock her to sleep when she had a nightmare or hold her and cool her with a cold cloth when she had a fever. When I think about this, it breaks my heart. Literally. So many things that I take for granted, that my biological children take for granted, she didn't have until she came home. For 3 and a half years she was on her own, counting on herself, knowing that her cries wouldn't be met, that when she hurt no one would care.

 

And then she came home. And it's been a long hard road. Because as much as she wants the love and cuddles and caring, she isn't used to it. She doesn't trust it. And so it's been two steps forward and one step back for 21 months.

 

And each day brings something new. Today she went up behind her big brother and hugged him. This is huge. Earlier today she kissed me on the arm and then hand while we were walking. Again, monumental.

 

She is letting down her guard.

 

Now when we rock at night she falls asleep and goes limp in my arms. Before there was always a stiffness about her. Even in sleep she couldn't relax completely.

 

And so I look at her perfect little face tonight, that has a hint of a smile, and I smile. And then I cry. And I thank God for this child, this child that could still be over in China waiting for a family. And I am so thankful that we took the leap. We took the risk on an "older" child. And it's been so worth it. Every.Single.Step.

 

She is amazing.

 

She is my daughter.