Adoption has always seemed so weird to me. Although we love our child and they are ours, we don't really know them. Just like they relish in all the new sights and smells, we relish in them. We watch them laugh and cry and have tantrums and have sad moments and we drink it all in. It's almost like a bug under a microscope at times.
Or maybe it's the other way around.
I catch Finn watching me all the time. She stares intently and I wonder what she is thinking.
Because she is always thinking.
She smiles constantly and it isn't a nervous smile. It's a genuine "I'm happy to be here, please love me" smile. It's mind boggling. How can a child that was taken from everything she knows and everyone she loved be so darn happy? How can she take my hand and kiss it or wrap her arms around my waist and hold on for dear life? She continues to amaze me and befuddle me.
Who is this child?
She is mischievous and sneaky. She is sweet and just a little shy at times. She adores her older siblings and loves having Scarlett as a playmate. She thinks her Daddy walks on water and runs to greet him when he comes home. She talks to the dogs and kisses and pets the cats.
She is truly amazing.
She is clever and funny and giggly. She eats anything and everything I put on her plate. She pouts with her little lip down when it's something she doesn't like. When I rock her at night she stares into my soul and sometimes makes me very uncomfortable with the intensity of it all.
I wonder if I am living up to her expectations as life goes on here. As we get back into the routine of our everyday life. Sometimes I get mad at the kids. She is watching. Sometimes I cry because I am sad that one of our cats is missing and another is very sick. She is watching. Sometimes I laugh and she says, "Momma happy?" Always watching, evaluating, weighing everything out.
I hope I pass the Mommy test. I'm less than perfect in so many ways and really notice the flaws when I am constantly being evaluated.
Oh, I love this kid. My heart just smiles when I think about her.
New things for this week
Scarlett and Finn started swim lessons. She loves the water and is having a blast!
She had her first Easter with us and tried brussel sprouts for the first time. Not so much...
The "partners in crime" emptied out their entire closet (twice) before Mommy got smart and made a closet lock for the door.
The "partners in crime" found the big bag of lollipops I had from our trip to China and proceeded to eat their way through it. 23 lollipops later...
Her special need (brittle bone disease) doesn't stop her one bit and we have allowed her more freedom to run and play.
She is jumping this week and we have started PT for her right arm at home. We have an appt at Scottish Rite next week and we'll get a full evaluation then, but for now I am starting her on the small things. She is swimming with Scarlett but not doing the gymnastics. I told her (through a translator) that she would be able to do that once we figured out her arm and bones. She is okay with that.
Or maybe it's the other way around.
I catch Finn watching me all the time. She stares intently and I wonder what she is thinking.
Because she is always thinking.
She smiles constantly and it isn't a nervous smile. It's a genuine "I'm happy to be here, please love me" smile. It's mind boggling. How can a child that was taken from everything she knows and everyone she loved be so darn happy? How can she take my hand and kiss it or wrap her arms around my waist and hold on for dear life? She continues to amaze me and befuddle me.
Who is this child?
She is mischievous and sneaky. She is sweet and just a little shy at times. She adores her older siblings and loves having Scarlett as a playmate. She thinks her Daddy walks on water and runs to greet him when he comes home. She talks to the dogs and kisses and pets the cats.
She is truly amazing.
She is clever and funny and giggly. She eats anything and everything I put on her plate. She pouts with her little lip down when it's something she doesn't like. When I rock her at night she stares into my soul and sometimes makes me very uncomfortable with the intensity of it all.
I wonder if I am living up to her expectations as life goes on here. As we get back into the routine of our everyday life. Sometimes I get mad at the kids. She is watching. Sometimes I cry because I am sad that one of our cats is missing and another is very sick. She is watching. Sometimes I laugh and she says, "Momma happy?" Always watching, evaluating, weighing everything out.
I hope I pass the Mommy test. I'm less than perfect in so many ways and really notice the flaws when I am constantly being evaluated.
Oh, I love this kid. My heart just smiles when I think about her.
New things for this week
Scarlett and Finn started swim lessons. She loves the water and is having a blast!
She had her first Easter with us and tried brussel sprouts for the first time. Not so much...
The "partners in crime" emptied out their entire closet (twice) before Mommy got smart and made a closet lock for the door.
The "partners in crime" found the big bag of lollipops I had from our trip to China and proceeded to eat their way through it. 23 lollipops later...
Her special need (brittle bone disease) doesn't stop her one bit and we have allowed her more freedom to run and play.
She is jumping this week and we have started PT for her right arm at home. We have an appt at Scottish Rite next week and we'll get a full evaluation then, but for now I am starting her on the small things. She is swimming with Scarlett but not doing the gymnastics. I told her (through a translator) that she would be able to do that once we figured out her arm and bones. She is okay with that.
Spectacular - the only word I can think of right now...
ReplyDeletehugs - great joy for you guys - keep loving the discovery!
aus and co.