Stereotypes and the ayis that follow them...

 

Some people have been very upset that I have blown this dirty little secret out of the water. But it needs to be said. It needs to be shouted from the rooftops so that things change for the better. I am tired of people hiding behind the "they don't know any better" doors.

It is time to educate them!

Show by example. Don't hire those who you know won't be good match, a good fit.

There is a facility in particular that has a major ayi problem. They choose to ignore the obvious and don't step up to make a change. As Christians we must lead by example. If you see an ayi being less than stellar with a child, you step up and show them that this child is a viable human being and deserves the same love and attention as the other children. If this ayi doesn't change her ways, you let her go. No excuses. If you find yourself with less ayis than children, than stop bringing the children in until you get the situation rectified!  Children are not a commodity, they are not a tool to make money off of donations. You do a disservice to those organizations that ARE trying to do good, that ARE taking the time to hire and train the proper staff.

Depraved indifference.

Below (the first picture) is what my son looked like when he first arrived at SF. His orphanage, which is actually a very good one, had been told by SF that he would get the best care for his skin and so they let him go, even though the orphanage had another American facility (a good American facility) on the premises. When SF received him, they also received a copy of his allergy test results. This was verified to me by the doctor on staff. This included milk, eggs, protein, soy, apples, tomatoes and wheat. Did the staff abide by those results? No. In fact, when he was then transferred to Little Flowers mid September (which I truly believe is the only reason he is still alive!) the SF ayis made it a point of telling the LF staff that he ate egg soup and egg pie on a regular basis. He was also on a milk based formula. Ummmm...


 

 

9 Months old

 

 

 

The below picture is of Xavier one week after we received him. With the feeding tube in, we were able to load him up with nutritious things that I had brought from home, fattening things, but still... LOOK AT HIM! Where is the chubby baby that arrived at Shepard's Field almost 3 years before?? Where is the child that was using his hands to explore and who smiled because he "mattered"? I can tell you that Little Flowers had one heck of a time even getting him to eat because he was so used to being fed food that would trash his stomach and then when he didn't want to eat because his little tummy hurt so much (as tummies do when allergy sensitive foods are put there), he would be force fed just to sustain his life. This is something that I expect from Russian orphanages! Not an American facility that totes themselves a "Christian" organization. Where is God in all of this?

 

3.5 yrs old

 

Now before people start saying that I don't know what I am talking about, allow me to introduce myself to you. I am a huge children's advocate. I advocate for special needs children in China and have grown to know and have contact with most of the American foster facilities in China and the American adoption agencies in the US. I have found families for over 200 children through my blog and Facebook page, I mentor families who are looking to adopt children with developmental delays, cerebral palsy, brittle bone disease, adopting out of birth order, ADHD and first time adopters. In everything I do, I speak for the children. I do not get paid for what I do. I do this in my own free time and of my own free will because I believe that this is my calling and God has laid the orphanage crisis at my feet. And although I am only one, I make a small difference in what I do. And that makes agencies and several facilities in China angry because they can't control me. Luckily, I could care less about an agency's feelings or whether an American foster facility is miffed at me because I speak the truth and it isn't always pretty.

 

I am the mother of 6 beautiful children. 4 of these children are from China. Scarlett, my first adopted daughter, is from Shepard's Field. When we traveled to bring her home two years ago we traveled to and stayed at Shepard's Field for two days before we continued on to province. I saw Xavier then for the first time. He was in a crib all by himself, away from the rest of the children. At the time I didn't think anything of it, because I figured they knew what they were doing and there were other children in similar positions (alone in rooms or on the floor in a corner with no interaction). I remember his skin being dry, cracked and scabby and I was afraid to touch him because I didn't want to hurt him and I wasn't sure how much of his body was covered by this. This was also the trip that I saw a 5 yr old boy hit Scarlett across the face, and although the ayis saw this, they did and said nothing. I did say something to the boy and not only was given a "FU" look from him but also from the ayis. Apparently he was a favorite and could do whatever he wanted. For 6 months after we brought Scarlett home, she flinched every time I raised my hand to smooth back her hair. She still has nightmares about going back to Shepard's Field, going back to China period. I have to wonder if it was just the children hitting her when she was there.

 

When I went back 11 months ago to bring home Finn, this was when the bells started to go off about this facility in particular. Scarlett was just starting to talk (she came home with almost no language skills and doesn't like to talk about things that upset her) and wasn't talking about SF yet. The bells clanging started in several of the houses. Children on the floor being ignored. Children in cribs, away from the other children. Children that weren't sick and it wasn't nap time. Mind you, by this time I had traveled to several other orphanages, I had been advocating heavily for special needs children and I knew what good and bad facilities/orphanages looked like. This reminded me of a bad orphanage situation - not an American facility, who should know better and do better! I talked with the doctor on staff there (who happened to be in the room with Xavier and several other little girls when we came in - coincidence?) and he confirmed that Xavier was not getting what he needed. The fact that the ayis wouldn't touch him, wouldn't take the time to feed him, wouldn't bathe him and give him the ointments and lotions that he so desperately needed for his skin.

So then why was he there? If you know he isn't getting what he needs, if you know that the ayis are disgusted by him and won't hold him and love on him, won't meet his basic needs, why is he still there?? And even more to the point, why are YOU not stepping up and being Jesus's hands and fostering this child? Why are you sacrificing him? Why is he just a face to you? This facility had so much at their disposal and they blew it! They could have had him transferred elsewhere, they could have made him a personal project and "fostered" him like their own. They could have sent him back to the orphanage. They could have taken the time to train the ayis (or even one in particular) to care for him and the children like him. Little Flowers is able to do this. Why can't Shepard's Field?? Why did the director tell several families that their monthly donations to Xavier were going to weekly PT and then not even bother to find someone to do this? When a particular family sent you medicated lotion from the states for his skin and told you that they would send you anything you needed for him, why did you not follow up with food allergy requests and more lotion? Why did my son go on the wayside? Why did it not alarm you that he was 3 years old and only weighing 15 pounds? Why did it not alarm you that his face was gaunt and size 18 month clothing hung on him? Did you just step over him when you walked into the room or was he in the corner on the floor and you didn't even notice him? Did you notice how the ayis loved all over the cute little girls in his house and showed indifference to him? I noticed this and was only in the house for a short time. Their looks of disgust when I held and loved and kissed on him was very alarming to me. Slews of volunteers over the last two years have noticed this and have said something to you each and every time. Why did you ignore them? Why did you always have something more important to do? Why was Xavier not important enough for you?

 

Every child should matter, no matter how hopeless he may seem. Otherwise...

 

 

Depraved indifference.

 

I still picture him, day in and day out, flat on his back, counting ceiling tiles, listening to the ayis ooh and aah and coddle the cute little girls in his house.

While he heard nothing.

Ever.

Except maybe a comment about how nasty his skin was or that he needed a diaper change because he smelled.

This is how he spent over 2 years of his life.

Alone.

Staring at ceiling tiles.