We've had occasional head banging for the last couple of weeks. If she wass embarrassed about something or upset, she would hide her face in the couch cushions or my lap. But within the last week or so, she has started banging her head on the door jamb, the wall and my pelvic bone (ouch!), depending on where the occurance happens and what is closest to her. Over the last couple of days though, she has gotten harder with it. I mean, she really knocks herself when she does it. A couple of times she has cried, most times not. I'm torn because I don't want to acknowledge the behavior and have her continue it, getting harder and harder when she doesn't get the results she wants. What I am doing now is ignoring the lesser ones and redirecting her with something else. On the ones that she starts to cry though, I rub the spot and then deliberately turn away from her so she isn't getting what she wants. I will then wait maybe 10 or 15 seconds and redirect her on something (a toy) and then pick her up and love on her while working on that with her.
Anyone have any experience with this? She isn't banging until she bleeds. I know there are some children that do that. This is more of an "attention grabbing" tactic or something that she does to sooth. She gets non-stop attention all day long. She is carried most of the time and sleeps with us at night and for nap time. So she isn't lacking in attention. Once the older kids get home, they are all over her and she actually needs a break from all of the attention and will just lounge on the couch, watching things pass by.
Also, monumental... yesterday was the first time she woke up from her nap and didn't cry. She usually sits up and starts to cry immediately if I am not there with her. Yesterday she woke up from her nap and came out into the kitchen on her own. So we are making progress in other areas...
Jeremiah needs prayer.
11 years ago
It might be a sensory issue. Do you have the book, "The Out of Sync Child"? It would help you figure out how to redirect and also fill up her sensory bank.
ReplyDeleteI'll be interested to see what comments you get about the head-banging. I know our social worker talked about that as one of the possible behaviors, but I haven't even thought about what I'll do if it happens.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the no crying at wake time! That's huge!!
Morning - let me play a little catch up first - bravo on the getting undressed by herself!! Way to go - and I mention it because of the head banging....
ReplyDeleteWith older tweens and teens - in particular with girls - there is the act of 'cutting'. Generally minor but painful self inflicted cuts to arms and legs. 99% of the time the cause is emotional pain plus the usual tween / teen self esteem issues resulting in the child causing themselves pain to turn their own attention away from the emotional causes. Head banging is a 'kid version' of that same thing.
First and foremost - make sure you discuss with with your doctor / adoption center or clinic.
Then remember that her life is completely upside down right now. It can take as long in a home and family as the child was in institutional / foster care for the child to learn and trust that this situation will not change. For some kids it's longer - for others it's shorter - but it will be on her schedule not yours or anyone elses.
Next - note what happens that causes her to head bang. If 'stranger anxiety' causes head banging - then modify what occurs when she is meeting a stranger (a sling or pouch her before the meeting as an example). If it's frustration with a toy or game - loose the toy or game until she's 'old enough' to handle it. If you know that she's going to encounter a situation which will trigger a head bang - pick her up and hold her - and when she starts to bang on your cheek or shoulder you'll be in the perfect position to hold her head - look right into her eyes to get her attention - and softly say "I'm here to help and protect you - but banging isn't allowed". The calmer you say it the better.
Over all - remember that the behavior will stop as the child becomes more confident in their ability to control their world.
And that get's me back to undressing herself - that's a behavior that is giving her more control in her world - and exactly the kind of thing that will help with head banging. Sounds silly - but it's true. the problem is finding the balance between what she can do to have control vs. how much is too much for her. As a suggestion - maybe at meals - if she chooses not to eat or not to eat something in particular give her the control to make that choice for herself? Are there any other 'things' that she can be allowed to choose to do or not do that fall within your 'acceptable parenting limits'?
Get some professional advice - but - I think it's a behavior that will correct itself over time - remember - as she get's older it's easier to learn self regulation!
hugs - aus and co.