The thoughts of "Am I really doing this? What if it messes up the dynamics of the house we have now? Everyone gets along so well! What if she doesn't like us? What if she doesn't attach? What if I don't attach?? What if she hates the other children? What if her and Scarlett don't get along? Will I love her as much as my others? How can I leave my girls for two weeks?"...
Some may think these are horrible thoughts but those who have adopted before get it. We all have these fears.
It's what is keeping me up right now, at 1:46 am, as my oldest daughter snores softly next to me. Poor baby feels the tension, the anxiety, the scary feeling of the unknown. And all the while I calm her, I am really calming myself. Because in 3 hours and 13 minutes I enter the airport and prepare to board a plane to China. To my third daughter.
And as I rocked my Scarlett to sleep tonight, knowing that this would be the last time she was rocked as my only "little", my heart ached a bit. More than a bit. I know she's had 13 months of my undivided attention at night and during nap time. She's snuggled and been loved on to her heart's content.
But now it all changes.
Now she has competition for my attention. For my arms. For my snuggles.
I just pray that God grants me grace during this season in all of our lives. May my oldest daughter be okay with another sister, my youngest daughter be okay with more competition and my son be gentle and kind with all three as they come to terms with their roles in the family.
Good moring friend - yeah - we DO 'get it' - but rest assured that you will quickly find your "new normal"! And thanks for having the angst - it means you care!
ReplyDeletehugs - Blessings on your house - looking forward to hearing from you in country!
aus and co.
It is such an amazing growing experience for all of the family! I am praying for you and your heart as you leave your little ones behind to rescue your newest daughter! God is in the details and He knows the plans He has for each of us! Praying for rest, peace and joy in your journey!
ReplyDeleteGood luck, lady! You're right and normal to have all these thoughts and feelings...hope the trip is amazing and your newest little one is just the right person for your family!! Will be following along...
ReplyDeleteWoke up this morning (March 8) with you on my mind. Praying the Lord calms all those fears and makes himself known to you all in an amazing and mighty way!
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