Yesterday I reached my breaking point. We all do eventually. 6 weeks of non-stop companionship, language barriers, stubbornness at completely inappropriate times like nap time and the middle of the store, jealousy from both girls on a daily basis, not even privacy to go to the restroom or take a shower by myself... takes its toll. The tension was sensed by the innocent party, crying ensued and I was done. While I still had a little bit of sanity left, I called my husband and told him to get home now. He did and I left. I spent three hours child free. It was wonderful. I didn't even really go anywhere, except my mom's house and then I just sat in my car for the last hour of that time and talked to God. I asked him for calmness, for clarity. I told him that I was ashamed for having lost it but that I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't do it again. I needed help.
And he sent it.
I flipped on the radio to our Christian station. Last night was dedicated to all of the adoptive mom and dads out there. The adopted children were calling in and telling their parents how much they loved them and thanking them for being there for them, for loving them unconditionally, and what a difference they had made in their lives.
It was the sign I needed. I needed to remember where she has come from and how she has lost everything while I've lost a few insignificant things. It was a real eye opener.
Shame on me for not doing better.
I'm not saying I won't do the same thing in the future. We just all get to that point with our children and I am by no means a saint. I yell, I get angry.
But the next time I'll call my husband just a little sooner.
That is a post I could have written. Well done for calling DH. It will get beter, as you know I'm sure. Betcha you'll wake up one morning (around the 12 week mark I bet) and notice a change has been realized and again and again God will show you these amazing milestones (for me they truly were every 3 months! LOL)
ReplyDeleteMany mommie 'time outs' via a locked bathroom door and shower on (not actually in it!) ~ drowns out noise was enjoyed by this Momma.
I try to make a point to go to the Bookstore ALONE once a week.
ReplyDeleteI get a cup of coffee sit read relax- when I get home I feel like I have been to a spa..seriously.
My BFF has a mani/pedicure every other week.
My sister in law rides horses once a week.
It is important to find the one thing that you can go and do alone and enjoy yourself without feeling the "MOM PRESSURES".
YOU are what makes you so special. The only way not to loose YOU along the way is to take some time for yourself on a regular basis.
Never feel guilty about out. Everyone in your family will benefit...I promise. This is a mom of 7 talking.
If I didn't have "fun -be by myself time" I'd go down like a sinking ship and take everyone with me. ;)