Over Stimulation

Something I wanted to add because I think it’s really important to remember and think about while we are here in China…

Depending on the age of the child, different things are going through their heads at all times.

With Scarlett, being 3, she knows she is being taken from everything she knows but she doesn’t understand why. All she knows is that we came to Shepard’s Field, she was there with us for two days and then all of a sudden we are on a plane. Once we landed in Fuzhou she attached to me even more because I was the only thing she was familiar with. Imagine waking up in a foreign country with no way to communicate with anyone and no way to get home. Scary.

She listens to people talking… about her!... but doesn’t grasp the concept of why and what this is all about.  She listens to the orphanage director say her name, but he isn’t talking TO her. She hears the guide say her name, but she isn’t talking TO her. She is then whisked off to be manhandled (not gently) by a doctor at the medical examination place and I couldn’t tell her what was going on and our guide was not there to help me with her. So she was scared, tired, angry and alone.  I don’t blame the tantrums and crying one bit. And to not be able to comfort her as I would my own biological children (who understand my words) is heartbreaking to me. 

When we are on the street, people comment about her, about Maeve, about Shaw, about me. You can see her listening to them, processing everything but then not knowing what to do with it all. Again, it’s so sad to me because I can’t help her with any of this. I only speak a little Chinese and certainly not the right words for what is being said all around her.

The other issue is over-stimulation. These children are used to daily rituals, routines, the noise in the orphanage only. You take that away from them and they don’t know what to do. But it can’t be helped with all the appointments and flights, and so they lose nap times and bedtimes. They aren’t used to the loud noises and constant swarms of people all around them.  The staring, the comments by those around them. They get worn out.  Add the stress that they are feeling from us and their little bodies can’t handle it. 

I notice with Scarlett that she gets very upset when one of the children are in trouble. Shaw did something back in Fuzhou, I can’t even remember what, but although I was calm and quiet in my discipline with him, he was very upset at having upset me and he started to cry. Scarlett saw his crying and started to cry herself. This was the same with the medical center. She was doing okay until she heard another little boy crying and then all bets were off. 

Also, don’t expect your child to be excited about new things. Scarlett has a pair of squeaky shoes that I put on her as soon as we got her. She refuses to take them off. We headed to Emma’s yesterday to buy several more pairs and she wanted nothing to do with them. Here I was offering her more and she wasn’t interested. In fact, when we were taking off one of the ones she had on now to figure out sizing, she panicked. This has me thinking about this later. These children aren’t used to having anything. So to have that one thing, it’s really important to them. To give them too much in a short period of time… it confuses them. They don’t understand. All they know is that they have that one thing and they are going to hold onto it for dear life.